30 April 2006

Methinks I have too much pent-up aggression...

Now, I'm not a violent person. At all. I've hit people out of anger perhaps twice in my life, and neither time did I do it intentionally. But sometimes, today, for example, I'm overtaken by this desire, nay...a need, to actually grab someone and smash their face in. If anything, I almost seem to want to pick fights with people. But why?

Back to today: My girlfriend and I were down in Balad. Now, as much as I love that place, I hate the way people feel obligated to stare at any female walking around dressed in less than a full-body hazmat suit. And I fucking hate that. I hate the dirty, depraved, sleazy looks and off-hand comments people make. It just becomes a personal matter for me. My girlfriend says it doesn't bother her. Fair enough. She's a big girl and she can stand up for herself. But I still feel protective, and I still want to smash the teeth of any bastard who looks with anything less than respect. Is that so wrong?

Again, back in Amman, some little fucks from the neighbourhood decided to write "fuck" in the dust of my car's rear window. Why? What exactly did that achieve? Now, I'm actually sorry i didn't grab their individual faces and smash them into the bumper on general principle. But why the violence? why the pent-up aggression? I exercise, I have a pretty good career, a great girl who loves me and who I love back....why do I feel the need to physcially harm people who get on my nerves?

then again, are there not people in the world who deserve to be beaten up? I believe it finally comes down to a Jekyll-and-Hyde situation (or Me, Myself and Irene, if you will). Certain events push people over the edge sometimes...guess I'll have to wait and see what does that for me.

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