05 November 2006

Lost Words

It's strange how often things can snowball and make life unbearable. It's strange how often you feel like curling up into a little ball and avoiding everyone in the world. It's strange how you always need some space, a place to be alone in the world, away from all the terrible shit that seems to cross your path and jump out from behind every corner.

We all need space sometimes; a haven, if you will, where we can just hide, collect our thoughts, or even distract ourselves from those nagging troubles that won't go away. Today, I'm sitting at the office at six thirty in the evening doing just that. There are people who are very close to me who I hate with utter contempt. There are those I love who I find it difficult to be with right now. It seems that those places that used to offer so much support and direction have now become the sources of stress. To quote a much better writer than myself: So from that spring whence comfort seem'd to come, discomfort swells (Macbeth 1II).

The words that are lost are many. They are of betrayal, shame, cowardice (both mine and theirs), and an unwillingness to do what is necessary. But necessary to whom? That is the question.

Well, I have some stale coffee and an old egg sandwhich to get back to. May your day be going a little better.